Codependency Relationships - Codependent
If that kind of one-sided pattern sounds like yours, you don't have to feel trapped. There are lots of ways to change a codependent relationship. Then you may be in a codependent relationship. In fact, they found that if you were raised in a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, you Feeling that you' re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. If you struggle in certain relationship with certain people, it is possible you might be in a codependent relationship.
They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people. Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. They have blurry or weak boundaries. Some codependents have rigid boundaries.
They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive.
Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. Control helps codependents feel safe and secure.
Symptoms of Codependency
Everyone needs some control over events in their life. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. Takers, on the other hand, benefit from this dynamic of getting much more than they give.
The typical taker lacks maturity, or suffers from an addiction or personality disorderBurn says. The giver continues to overcompensate for his or her partner, while the taker avoids assuming responsibility, according to Burn. They become codependent, relying on each other not for love and care, but for relief from insecurity. Why do people get into codependent relationships? Holly Danielsa clinical psychologist in Los Angeles.
A study in The American Journal of Family Therapy found that those who perceived conflict between their parents growing up were more likely to become codependent in adulthood. In codependent relationships, givers have anxious attachment styles—they define themselves by their relationship, and will do whatever it takes to stay in it, according to Daniels. Takers, she says, tend to have avoidant attachment styles, meaning they try to avoid emotional connection at all costs.
10 Warning Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship
And you often get involved in his or her business. Codependents and addicts for that matter are almost always children of codependents, passed down like a family legacy. Of course the roots and symptoms of codependency are individual and nuanced.Codependency: When Relationships Become Everything
Some codependents have next to no boundaries around things like their health and happiness hand raised! All in all, though, codependency is an emotional dysfunction that affects so many aspects of life.
Recovering from codependency has been like coming home to myself. Recovering from codependency has meant maturing in all the ways I needed to mature. Recovering from codependency also saved my marriage, proving that the only way to change other people is to change ourselves. This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.