'His children are getting in the way of our relationship' - Telegraph
When I was 17, I fell for a man with a child and it didn't work because I feel about meeting a man who'd never had a meaningful relationship?!. Their child has recently turned 6, and for a while has been asking why I cant wait to meet my little man, its the one thing getting me through atm. has My partner has three kids from a past relationship & although it doesn't. His ex-wife lives close by with the man she had the affair with that ended works at a good relationship with his own children but also your son.
He has to be open with both parties.
His former wife is a constant presence | Life and style | The Guardian
He also has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child. The most common mistake that a man dealing with baby mama drama makes is he just can't seem to cut the sexual ties with the woman who bore his child. Continuing to have that kind of relationship sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know.
But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. The man needs to practice some restraint and have some dignity. If he truly values and cares about making a new relationship work, he cannot continue to be involved with his baby mama. Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with that the relationship with his baby mama is focused strictly on the well-being of his child.
He has to also be sure to keep her informed of all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end.
You'd be surprised at how big of a deal having open communication about these types of things is. If the man can clearly set boundaries and communicates with his new girlfriend openly, much of the baby mama drama goes away.
Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child that she does not know—plain and simple. That will be her first argument, but that's not all. This is a very delicate situation, because they may not have parted on the best terms, so, therefore, she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with including who they're with.
So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life, which may be something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway because if she finds out that her child was around a person that she does not know, god forbid what would happen next.
That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken an interest in another person. Hold on—he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye and believe me all men know the "eye". But he still has to let her know this only if he is serious though so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.
Some men feel a strong connection to their baby mama. The fact that they had a child with this woman gives them a special bond. If your man is having trouble breaking away from his baby mama, you have to let him go. Set some boundaries about what kind of behavior is acceptable and if your man crosses the line, take a hard stance.
At the same time, you have to find that balance and understand that your man is always going to have a special bond with his baby mama. Here are some reasons why a man goes back to his baby mama over you. Keep in mind that these reasons are not your fault! The man is the main actor in this drama, and his choices impact both sides.HIGH SCHOOL YOU VS. CHILD YOU: RELATIONSHIPS - MyLifeAsEva
He is doing it for the child: A good father wants to be there for his children, so your man may be trying to get back with his baby mama so that his child can have a more stable home environment. He feels an obligation to give his child a warm and positive environment, something that is difficult to do when mother and father are separated.
Your man may feel like he has abandoned his family. This is particularly true if he had multiple children with another woman.
'His children are getting in the way of our relationship'
He may feel that he did not give his ex a chance to redeem herself in the relationship. He still loves his ex: Yes, this is something that can totally happen.
Your man may have had valid reasons for breaking it off with his baby mama but that doesn't mean he is totally over her. He most likely had strong feelings for her at some point, and it's hard to get over those and move onto a new relationship, especially when young children are involved. Signs of a Jealous Baby Mama Even when you take steps to keep the baby mama in the loop and feeling comfortable with you dating her ex, she may still be jealous of you and your relationship.
Here are some signs that show she is jealous of you. She has no boundaries: If she shows up unannounced to your place when you are with your man, or starts bumping into you in public, this is a sign she is not respecting the set boundaries of your relationship. She is envious of you, so she wants to mess up your life. Under the guise of being friendly, she always asks you what you and your man are up to.
She may even get way too personal with her questions and start asking you things that make you feel uncomfortable. She says negative things about you to others: Instead of talking to you directly, she goes behind your back and tries to turn your man and others against you. She focuses on negative things or just makes things up to make you look bad in front of her children.
She gets too close and personal to your man: If she still has any feelings at all for your man, you can bet she will try to woo him to get back with her. She will try to be all flirty and cute around him in an attempt to win his affections back. She may even try to do this in front of you to make you mad. She always brings up the past: When you are around her, she always talks about her time with your man.
She will make a point to go into detail about how wonderful and romantic it was. She does this out of jealousy and to make you feel insecure about your relationship with her ex. She blames you for her problems: And all because she, like you, felt needlessly insecure.
My ex caved in to her demand for contact to be reduced, but the result was that the kids resented her, communication suffered, and I lost faith in him as a responsible parent. Trust your partner, respect his parenting, and keep up the therapy.
L, via email What the expert thinks When faced with a seemingly intractable problem, it is important to understand what is perpetuating it. Therefore, we need to look at what your partner and his ex may be getting out of the current situation. Your partner's first wife had an affair that ended their marriage so, however happy she may be now, she must feel some guilt about the suffering that her children endured as a result of that.
She is trying to absolve that guilt by making it appear that as far as parenting is concerned, little has changed, despite the divorce. If she lacks self-confidence, she may find it reassuring that her ex responds whenever she calls or texts him. Now let's look at things from your partner's viewpoint. He was jilted by his wife. It is difficult to hit someone harder than that. But now, his ex is constantly contacting him. He will therefore be feeling less rejected and more powerful now.
So they both have a great deal invested in keeping things just as they are. You don't mention the children's ages, but the younger they are, the more likely it is that they will tolerate the current situation continuing. As they approach adolescence and begin to build their own social lives, though, they will want home life to be as uncomplicated as possible.
This does not mean that they will start to value one parent more than the other but simply that they will not want to shuttle daily between two homes. I don't think the current situation has been arranged with the children's best interests in mind.
Regular and predictable contact is more important than constant contact.
His former wife is a constant presence
For you, the situation is obviously distressing. Freud once described depression as "frozen anger". Of course you are feeling helpless, angry and depressed. You have committed yourself fully to this man, yet your feelings are being neglected. And the rationale, that "it's for the children's sake", makes you look heartless if you object to what is happening.
In truth, a sensible arrangement for the children needs only to be reviewed weekly at most. There is no need - for the children's sake that is - for it to be reviewed daily. Your only chance of a real change is to put your foot down and demand a reasonable limit on communication between the two of them, for example only one or two short calls a week.
Even better would be a written agreement that is revised termly. You could specify the conditions, or ask that your partner and his ex draw up an agreement with a professional. Remember, what you are asking will not be the preferred option of either your partner or his ex.
Therefore, you will have to insist that these changes take place, and you must be prepared to mean what you say. It would be very upsetting, I know, if this causes your relationship to break up.
Only you can decide if that would be worse than the current situation.
How to Date Someone Who Has a Child from a Previous Relationship
But if your partner does choose to commit first and fully to you, then you can start building a real partnership. I don't think that process has yet begun. Linda Blair Next week: I want to become a woman I am in my 50s and am a male-to-female transsexual.
I have not yet begun my transition to female because of my father; he is in his 80s and has never given me any evidence of being compassionate to, or even tolerant of, anyone who is "diverse" in their sexuality or gender orientation. I also have a sister and a brother, both of whom are older than me; I fear that I would be rejected by my whole family if I went ahead with the transition.
Despite this, even if my siblings did shun me, I feel I could live with that. However, when I visit my father he often comments that he likes seeing me because he is surrounded by women and he likes the company of another man, for variety.
I do not feel that he needs the hassle of having to worry about me and therefore I have never made any mention of my desires and plans to undergo gender reassignment. However, while I know he may not have long left to live, I do feel that my life is slipping away from me. I want to live the rest of my life as a woman and not just the last 10 to 20 years of it.
Should I begin my transition now and try not to care whether my father accepts me, or do I continue waiting for him to pass away before I start living my life as I wish?
Whichever path I choose, I believe that I will feel guilty.