Bad Temper Bad Relationship - Lynne Namka
Recently I feel like my depression has been negatively affecting my There is a lot on your plate and on your mind at the moment. It will hopefully help unload some of the overload you are buckling under Meanwhile, could easing on the relationship for a while without breaking up bring a little peace?. Some relationship problems are workable. Mind & Body Articles & More Lucky us: We live in a world where many of us have an abundance of choices: [ he's] trying to unload his bad gemstones on you by packaging them . on her hands, and not a deal-breaker, has given my friend some peace. with other people. These tips may help you have peaceful, loving relationships. We have thoughts and feelings that can be confusing. Other people do too.
Can I make something out of this?
Should You Stay or Should You Go?
They come with flawed bits as well as sparkly strengths. Second, there are really only four types of problems. The four kinds of problems are: I think many of us bull-headed people assume that all problems are solvable. These tend to be the types of conflicts that arise from a unique situation rather than differences in our personalities. This is a conflict that can be solved, using your well-practiced conflict resolution skills.
They can become workable, however. The classic example of this is the slob who is married to a neat-nick: She wants the house hospital-clean; he leaves piles of crap everywhere.
Being neat is hard for him, but easy for her. His efforts to be neat will gradually fade as he gets busy or stressed or just lazy. Cyclical conflicts can actually create intimacy: So the question is: Can you arrive at a workable solution, knowing that you will continue to revisit this throughout your time together? These are the lesser-value gems. Can you work with them? When these sorts of thoughts arise, simply notice them and redirect your attention back to the moment.
Consider taking a meditation class This is certainly only an optional suggestion, and many people choose not to do this.
Though not a requirement, I can personally attest to the powerful experience of immersing yourself into mindful living through either a formal meditation class or retreat. You, the individual, are the expert on you. Therefore, I invite you to experiment and test out different practices and approaches in order to find the ones that work best for you.
Mindfulness of the Breath As we all know from personal experience, our mind has a tendency to wander. Our breath serves as a perfect instrument to accomplish this goal. Our breath is always with us, operating automatically. For 24 hours a day, for every day of our lives, our breath is there like a trusted companion.
Wherever we are, and whomever we are with, we can always turn to the breath as a means of grounding ourselves in the present moment. Because of this, our breath will be the focus of our first mindfulness meditation. Begin by finding a comfortable, peaceful place to sit.
Set aside around ten minutes to start with, though you can extend this as you wish in the days to come. Keep your back straight, allowing your shoulders to relax.
Close your eyes, or choose a spot on the floor in front of you to focus your gaze. Begin by taking three easy and gentle breaths in through your nose, followed by slow and steady exhales. With each breath, feel yourself slowing down and becoming more immersed in the 2.
If you notice your mind wandering or your thoughts drifting, simply notice this and return your attention and awareness to your breath. Merely observe this tendency, and without judgment, return your awareness to your breathing. Bring full attention now to your breathing. As you inhale and exhale, observe where in your body you notice your breath the most.
Others notice their breath most strongly in their nostrils, as the air passes coolly on the way in, and slightly warmer on the way out.
- Mindfulness Exercise #1: Mindfulness of the Breath
- Mindfulness Exercise #2: Raisin Meditation
- Should You Stay or Should You Go?
Still others notice the breath most clearly in their stomach and abdomen, as it rises and falls with each passing breath. Wherever it is, take a moment to simply notice where the breath is most clearly felt in your body.
Notice how it feels to fully focus on your inhale. As you inhale, notice any particular feelings of tension or strain, and notice the sensation of your lungs and abdomen filling up as you inhale. Now gently shift your awareness to focus more on your exhale.
And observe, without judgment, anything that you feel in your body. For the next few minutes, continue to breathe gently and evenly. Feel the breath as it comes in through your nose, followed by a steady exhale. Simply notice this, and gently redirect your attention and awareness back to your breathing.
After ten minutes, gently open your eyes and bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Allow yourself to bask in the comfort and tranquility of the present moment. For beginners in mindfulness, this exercise can either be eye-opening or frustrating. But through practice and patience, it becomes easier over time. Raisin Meditation One of the remarkable powers of mindfulness exercises are their ability to transform the mundane into something incredible.
And we polish off our favorite meal, only to realize that we barely took time to savor the experience. To begin with, set aside around ten minutes of time when you can be undisturbed and alone. In addition, I recommend taking a few moments afterward to write down any reactions you have to the exercise, and what you learned from it. To begin with, take five to ten minutes in a quiet place. Your intention will be to eat a raisin in a mindful manner, fully immersed in the experience.
Begin by taking a raisin and placing it in the palm of your hand.
Mindfulness: 5 Powerful Exercises for Peace and Happiness
Alternate between holding the raisin in your hand, and placing it between your forefinger and thumb to more fully feel its texture. Notice the weight of the raisin as it rests in your hand. Now take a moment to really see the raisin, paying particular attention to its subtle details.
With full attention and awareness, notice the texture of the raisin, and the shadow it casts on your palm. Notice its ridges, and the particular colors it contains. Placing the raisin between your fingers now, observe all of its texture with even more awareness.
How does it feel to brush your fingers over the raisin? Feel the ridges on its surface. Now bring the raisin up towards your nose. As you inhale, simply notice any smells or scents that you detect. Or if you cannot detect a scent, simply notice that as well, without judgment.
Slowly take the raisin and place it gently in your mouth. Take a single bite into the raisin, and notice how doing so affects your mouth and tongue.
Notice the different textures that you can now pick up on. Without judgment, bring full awareness to whatever is happening inside of you, and take a minute to merely sit with those reactions with your eyes closed. People have all sorts of reactions to the raisin meditation. For others, it feels foreign to eat a raisin in this manner, and can even feel uncomfortable. Whatever your reactions may be, take a moment to simply notice them, and write down some quick thoughts about the exercise.
Everyday Mindfulness In our last mindfulness exercise, we discovered how a simple activity eating a raisin could be turned into something far more wondrous and meaningful.
And if we can accomplish that through the simple act of eating a tiny raisin, imagine what can happen if we foster that same level of awareness and mindfulness in other areas of our lives.
Begin by reflecting on a handful of activities that you engage in each week, but which you often do in a mindless manner. Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? Can I empathize with their feelings instead of dwelling on my insecurity? Confront compassionately and clearly. When you attack someone, their natural instinct is to get defensive, which gets you nowhere. If you approach someone with compassion, you will open their heart and mind.
That gives you a chance to express yourself and your expectations clearly. There are all kinds of ways you can feel vulnerable in relationships: When you express your feelings for someone else. When you admit you made a mistake. Power allows us a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows us a sense of authenticity. Think before acting on emotion. This one is the hardest for me. As soon as I feel hurt, frustrated, or angry, I want to do something with it—which is always a bad idea.
When you feel a strong emotion, try to sit it for a while. When you learn to observe your feelings before acting on them, you minimize the negativity you create in two ways: When people get close, boundaries can get fuzzy.
You act out of guilt instead of honoring your needs.